Sorry for the radio silence. Settling in. Going out. Trying to move on. Settling in and going out are way easier, I assure you.
This upcoming holiday finds me thinking about freedom, about what that means to us as individuals. It's noteworthy that our hearts are the last to know what that feels like. I'm just finding it's hard to feel free when your heart cries out for something it can't have. Is moving on feeling free? Is going back? Is it making your peace with a decision that was taken out of your hands. I honestly don't know. I'm just pondering, friends. And since it's always timing, every day I take a deep breath and wait out another day, but it's going to take a long time. I guess I'm trying to settle in and get ready for that day, where ever it is out on the horizon. But I guess my heart just wishes that day were a little closer. Does being free mean being lonely? What do you guys think? I guess I'm just trying to prepare for the wait.
I will be posting pictures and stories from the road this week. Back to regularly scheduled programming. Settling in. And working on moving on.
on the iPod: My Lover's Prayer, Otis Redding
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Some People Call It Flighty...
...I prefer to call it free spirited. It's part of being a gypsy, picking up and going. I'm very comfortable with it, but it makes people nervous. They don't understand the need to roam. I love it. I never know what's going to happen next. This used to really bother me, but as I embrace who I truly am more and more, it bothers me less and less.
A synopsis of the conversation I had with Bean on Sunday:
"Okay, I need to tell you something and I need you to let me tell you the whole thing before you say a word, okay?"
(Laughter on the other end of the phone.)
"So, I AM coming to see you, but now, if it's okay, I'm coming July 22 or 23. The thing is, I was talking to Michele and next thing you know she is coming to see me July 8 and we're going to have adventures and so since I have to take her back to the airport on July 22, I thought that would be a perfect time to come see you and not have to rush and be able to use your place as home base. I knew once I got there, we'd start having a big time, and then every time I tried to leave, you'd just get me drunk the night before, knowing good and damn well I won't drive with a hangover and I know this would continue every night, maybe forever, so I had to do something for this to all work."
(Laughter on the other end of the phone.)
"Also, I had to wait until I got far enough away before I called you so that you couldn't talk me into coming to the Northwest right now."
"How far did you go before you called me?"
"Albuquerque. I had to get two states away to be safe."
I am back. I am home. It feels good.
I've made trips across the country several times. Usually when I'm having to hurry back East, though, it's because I stayed an extra day somewhere out West and now I have to hurry to get back. This time, I was hurrying to get home. I was just ready to get settled in, have a home base, see my friends, start my life in Myrtle Beach. When you're ready to write a chapter, you just have to get to it. This is a new chapter. I had to get started.
Of course, there are still gypsy adventures to be had, and there are still stories to tell you. But right now, I'm writing this while I'm sitting on my bed, surrounded by the chaos of The Move, Part One. It feels so wonderful! And I promise pictures, finally, too.
A synopsis of the conversation I had with Bean on Sunday:
"Okay, I need to tell you something and I need you to let me tell you the whole thing before you say a word, okay?"
(Laughter on the other end of the phone.)
"So, I AM coming to see you, but now, if it's okay, I'm coming July 22 or 23. The thing is, I was talking to Michele and next thing you know she is coming to see me July 8 and we're going to have adventures and so since I have to take her back to the airport on July 22, I thought that would be a perfect time to come see you and not have to rush and be able to use your place as home base. I knew once I got there, we'd start having a big time, and then every time I tried to leave, you'd just get me drunk the night before, knowing good and damn well I won't drive with a hangover and I know this would continue every night, maybe forever, so I had to do something for this to all work."
(Laughter on the other end of the phone.)
"Also, I had to wait until I got far enough away before I called you so that you couldn't talk me into coming to the Northwest right now."
"How far did you go before you called me?"
"Albuquerque. I had to get two states away to be safe."
I am back. I am home. It feels good.
I've made trips across the country several times. Usually when I'm having to hurry back East, though, it's because I stayed an extra day somewhere out West and now I have to hurry to get back. This time, I was hurrying to get home. I was just ready to get settled in, have a home base, see my friends, start my life in Myrtle Beach. When you're ready to write a chapter, you just have to get to it. This is a new chapter. I had to get started.
Of course, there are still gypsy adventures to be had, and there are still stories to tell you. But right now, I'm writing this while I'm sitting on my bed, surrounded by the chaos of The Move, Part One. It feels so wonderful! And I promise pictures, finally, too.
Friday, June 19, 2009
"Account Ye No Man Happy..."
I've been thinking lately about the difference between contentment and happiness.
We constantly get all these messages about how to lead happy lives, ten more ways to find happiness, happiness in twelve easy steps. In our culture, we seem to be so obsessed with "peak experiences." Is it any surprise that our quest for happiness often falls short and we find ourselves full of disappointment because we aren't happy every minute of the day?
It is impossible to be happy every minute. Life happens, throws us curve balls, gets us off track. We get so focused on goals and expectations that we forget to be flexible, setting ourselves up for further disappointment. What's a girl to do?
What if we worked instead on being content? What if we worked on being content with who we are, where we are, where we're going? What if, instead of always focusing on the prize at the end of the stick, we instead focused on letting this moment be enough? What if we allowed ourselves to be enough, just once?
I'm not sure yet what it means to be "content," but I'm working on figuring that out. Thoughts, friends? Where are you on your happiness quest? Tell me about your experiences with expectations and how you handle life when it doesn't go according to your plan.
on the iPod: Against the Wind, Bob Seeger
We constantly get all these messages about how to lead happy lives, ten more ways to find happiness, happiness in twelve easy steps. In our culture, we seem to be so obsessed with "peak experiences." Is it any surprise that our quest for happiness often falls short and we find ourselves full of disappointment because we aren't happy every minute of the day?
It is impossible to be happy every minute. Life happens, throws us curve balls, gets us off track. We get so focused on goals and expectations that we forget to be flexible, setting ourselves up for further disappointment. What's a girl to do?
What if we worked instead on being content? What if we worked on being content with who we are, where we are, where we're going? What if, instead of always focusing on the prize at the end of the stick, we instead focused on letting this moment be enough? What if we allowed ourselves to be enough, just once?
I'm not sure yet what it means to be "content," but I'm working on figuring that out. Thoughts, friends? Where are you on your happiness quest? Tell me about your experiences with expectations and how you handle life when it doesn't go according to your plan.
on the iPod: Against the Wind, Bob Seeger
Thursday, June 18, 2009
John Denver is wrong...
Every day is a diamond, no day is a stone...sometimes, it's just harder to see the diamond shine. Today I had a bad day on the bike. Bette ran perfectly. My body was hydrated, rested, felt fine. But mentally, I was battling. If I was a ball player, I would have been throwing grapefruits. But still...it's Thursday, and I was on my bike and really, can a day on the bike be bad? I think not, I'll just shift gears and take an elevator ride down to the pool! :)
I await the next leg of my trip, onward to the Pacific Northwest. I realized today that I have so much more to say about this trip, about what it's meant to me, what it means about my life, but I want to take a little more time to think about all of that and I've decided to continue this blog into the future. I started it intending to end it at the conclusion of my trip but I still have something to say, and to quote Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer, I have the microphone and you will listen to every damn word I say!!!!!
This One's For Neil
So I was in Utah, leaving for Las Vegas, feeling pretty successful that my visit to Utah did not feature any Mormon shennanigans this time. I was cruising down the road, looking forward to Dirty Vegas and I had to go to the restroom. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but a sign informing me the next exit would provide me restroom facilities. We've all stopped at a rest area, right? Well, I got off the exit, and instead of the rest area being on that side, I had to cross a bridge, go down two streets, climb up a hill and ten minutes later I arrived at the "rest area." Yes, it's state maintained. The Mormons have managed to make going to the bathroom a lot of extra, unnecessary work. I'm pretty sure that's not what Jesus intended. What Jesus intended was for me to see a beer called Polygamy Porter...When One Just Isn't Enough. I heart Utah!
on the iPod: Gypsy, Fleetwood Mac
I await the next leg of my trip, onward to the Pacific Northwest. I realized today that I have so much more to say about this trip, about what it's meant to me, what it means about my life, but I want to take a little more time to think about all of that and I've decided to continue this blog into the future. I started it intending to end it at the conclusion of my trip but I still have something to say, and to quote Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer, I have the microphone and you will listen to every damn word I say!!!!!
This One's For Neil
So I was in Utah, leaving for Las Vegas, feeling pretty successful that my visit to Utah did not feature any Mormon shennanigans this time. I was cruising down the road, looking forward to Dirty Vegas and I had to go to the restroom. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but a sign informing me the next exit would provide me restroom facilities. We've all stopped at a rest area, right? Well, I got off the exit, and instead of the rest area being on that side, I had to cross a bridge, go down two streets, climb up a hill and ten minutes later I arrived at the "rest area." Yes, it's state maintained. The Mormons have managed to make going to the bathroom a lot of extra, unnecessary work. I'm pretty sure that's not what Jesus intended. What Jesus intended was for me to see a beer called Polygamy Porter...When One Just Isn't Enough. I heart Utah!
on the iPod: Gypsy, Fleetwood Mac
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
...but on a horse with a name
So, Moab. Yesterday I did a hike up to Corona Arch/Bowtie Arch...and hiked all along slickrock beds. Millions of years permeate those rocks and I was humbled as I was surrounded by the tall rock guardians of the desert. The desert looks like nothing to a lot of people, but it holds secrets and truth and keeps a journal for the Earth's years. The spirituality here emanates.
I also got to mark something off my Life List...I rode my bike through Arches National Park last evening. It's so hot here, I had to wait until early evening to start. I have been to Arches several times, and it is one of my favorite places on earth. To see it, on Bette...friends, it was an amazing feeling. I watched the sun melt down below the rock formations and imagined the sleeping giants waking to begin their work. I'd never been to Arches this late and it was awe-inspiring. I'm so happy I got the opportunity to do that ride. I rode thru the desert on my Bette. Sa-weeeeeeet!
I'm on the fence right now about what, exactly, will be next. I know I'm due in Dirty Vegas to put some demons to rest in Boulder City and out towards Red Rock Canyon. I don't know how much riding I want to do here, and I still have the Pac Northwest/Canada coming up. And another factor I didn't anticipate reared its ugly head the last few days...I am really looking forward to going home. And no, I don't mean home to Asheville, I mean home to my new home. For those of you that don't know, I am moving to Myrtle Beach and I will be living with my Rock Star room mate, Wimberly (Hi Rock Star!). I don't know yet if this will be the Final Move as I'm still auditioning places, still considering options, but it is so nice to have a home for the immediate future, a safe place to gather myself together for whatever is next.
on the iPod: Down by the Water, PJ Harvey
I also got to mark something off my Life List...I rode my bike through Arches National Park last evening. It's so hot here, I had to wait until early evening to start. I have been to Arches several times, and it is one of my favorite places on earth. To see it, on Bette...friends, it was an amazing feeling. I watched the sun melt down below the rock formations and imagined the sleeping giants waking to begin their work. I'd never been to Arches this late and it was awe-inspiring. I'm so happy I got the opportunity to do that ride. I rode thru the desert on my Bette. Sa-weeeeeeet!
I'm on the fence right now about what, exactly, will be next. I know I'm due in Dirty Vegas to put some demons to rest in Boulder City and out towards Red Rock Canyon. I don't know how much riding I want to do here, and I still have the Pac Northwest/Canada coming up. And another factor I didn't anticipate reared its ugly head the last few days...I am really looking forward to going home. And no, I don't mean home to Asheville, I mean home to my new home. For those of you that don't know, I am moving to Myrtle Beach and I will be living with my Rock Star room mate, Wimberly (Hi Rock Star!). I don't know yet if this will be the Final Move as I'm still auditioning places, still considering options, but it is so nice to have a home for the immediate future, a safe place to gather myself together for whatever is next.
on the iPod: Down by the Water, PJ Harvey
Monday, June 15, 2009
Back in the Saddle
well, so to speak...I've been IN the saddle, my mountain bike saddle, for the past few days in beautiful Durango, CO, so I've been out of the blog saddle. I love Durango so much, love the riding, love the friendly, awesome people (hello, cute bartenders!!!!), and great beer. I love this community is committed to active lifestyles of all kinds. Anyway, to sum up the last few days:
Ride the First
The last time I was here was September. Also, it was the END of the season, and if there was any doubt whatsoever about whether or not I am more fit at the beginning or end of the season, let's just clear that up...I am more fit at the end. I did this ride off a place called Horse Gulch. One part was Telegraph Trail. Here's your history lesson for the day...Durango was a mining town and was in its heyday in the late 1800s. The Victorian influence is apparent in the old hotels still standing downtown, so it's neat to poke around and see a "Wild West" town. Anyway, as I'm sure you know, the talking wire was a big deal, huge technology in the day, and Telegraph Trail displays the relics of that time...there are several old telegraph towers out there. It's funny to be riding along, do ti do, and then all of a sudden, you're surrounded by these old telegraph poles. I was doing it slower than I remembered doing it in the past, but suddenly I didn't even care, because the trail was technicolor with the blooms of the spring flowers. I also rode a trail called The Meadow...and would you believe it goes through an actual meadow? Weird, I know. Now for those of you who don't mountain bike, you should know that rides tend to roll this way: "Let's see where this goes!" It's part of the fun, the adventure, and yes, occasionally it provides...a "learning opportunity" as opposed to calling it a mistake, because as Kurt Vonnegut wrote, "It is impossible to make a mistake." So to no one's surprise at all, I decided to see where Cuchilo went. Please don't ask me how you say that because still after 3 days, I still don't know. This trail was more challenging, with lots of "V" dips. If you're wondering what a "V" dip is, please refer to the capital letter V and you will have an idea of what I'm talking about. I've never been able to do them before, and I felt a tightness in my rear end that had nothing to do with Yoga when I saw the first one, but I DID IT!!!! Yes! Victory was mine!!! Mwah ha ha! I did it twice more and was feeling pretty much like a bad ass. And then, I came to a rock section. Now, I don't mean there was some gravel in the road. I mean there were boulders, people! I had to dismount, but felt better when I saw that a guy who had passed me also had to get off. There was some tricky descending as well, and then SURPRISE! there was a climb. Now for all my shortcomings as a mountain biker, I can climb (thanks Asheville!). Whoo boy, I got my ass dumped on the ground on this climb. Since mountain biking is different from fishing in that we don't lie about our burly rides like a fish that got away, please believe me when I tell you this climb went STRAIGHT up. Anyway, I fell to my right because I couldn't clip out fast enough (I always try to fall to the left if I'm going down because you want to fall away from your drivetrain), so I was pissed. My bike was just fine, but I have a bruise approximately the size of Texas on my hip. After I got back on Bette, there was a sweet ass descent back to the car. It makes me smile now thinking of it.
Ride the Second (otherwise known as Our Heroine Earns a Beer)
I decided to ride Lime Creek Trail, and instead of doing a shuttle (which would have involved hitchhiking. Before you get excited and need to lecture, please know that I would never consider it under other circumstances or in another place. It happens ALL the time out here, and I have picked up girl hitch hikers here myself.) I decided that I would do an out and back. Apparently something happened to my brain when I got dumped on Friday because I did not check the weather Saturday. I ALWAYS check the weather, and if I had, I would have known there was a chance of a thunderstorm. Please keep this fun fact in mind for later in our story. The ride is not necessarily hard, but it's rocky and it's 11.2 miles one way. About 6 miles of that is climb. So for those of you who agree with me that math is the devil, let me break that down for you: I was riding almost 23 miles, with 12 miles of climb. You know what else I forgot to mention to you? The elevation here starts at about 6500 feet. I climbed up to almost 10,000 that day. Each Way. When people say elevation doesn't matter, I am going to punch them right in the stomach from now on and ask them if that matters. The pay off here is the beauty surrounding the ride: a beautiful, lush creek, a beaver pond, a crazy beautiful rock pass, stands of Aspen. Breathtaking enough to make you forget it's hard to take a breath. Do ti Do, I'm pedaling, having a great time, and when I got to the end and got off Bette to enjoy my peanut butter sandwich that I did thankfully remember to bring, I saw some clouds scowling at me. I thought that was very unfriendly, and that's the exact moment I realized I forgot to check the damn weather and I realized my weather report was in action. I decided I would race the storm. Also, the trail map was wrong, it was NOT 11.2 miles, but closer to 11.5. You would count those three extra tenths, too, if you had been there. I started climbing and cloud watching. They didn't get any friendlier. I got to a bit of a descent, and before I knew it, I got into a hidden rut in the road and got my ass tossed off, nicking my right knee... poor right side! I got back on and started attacking the first climb because the wind was picking up and the temperature was dropping. I kept thinking that all in the world I wanted was to get back to the car safe and dry. I got to the second ascent to the summit and picked great lines and before I knew it I was at the top. I knew better than to feel cocky because the sky above me was nothing but impending doom. Descents still scare the shit out of me and I had MILES of descent ahead. I settled in, went as fast as safely possible, and I got back down to the Beaver Pond and felt the first drops. It was still almost 5 miles to the car. I said some very bad words, and saw the first whip of lightening. I immediately changed my mantra to "get to the car safe" as dry was no longer an option. The temperature dropped AGAIN and the stinging rain started. I did not think Awesome! when that happened. But once the big fat rain started, I was actually grateful because at least it didn't hurt like that stupid little rain. I was cranking about 20 miles an hour, which is pretty damn fast on a mountain bike, but it felt like I was going about 2 miles per hour. I finally arrived at the car, safe! My agenda for the rest of the day? Nap, beer, dinner. Durango has 4 or 5 microbreweries, but Steamworks is my hands down favorite and yes that's about the beer and food and not the cute bartenders...that's just a bonus, friends!
Yesterday I took a whole day off and went to Trimble Springs. They are natural hot springs and they are magnificent. I met some nice people there from Texas and had beers with them last night. I love this town!!!
Getting Away From It All, with cable included
I'm camping and I love this campground, but last night I got new next door neighbors. They set up their camper, rolled all of the shades down, and then I heard their tv start up. And it didn't shut off until after I went to bed last night. This morning, their tv started right up, and I kid you not friends...I still haven't seen these people! I am glad the campground has WiFi so I can bring you this blog, but seriously: who the hell goes camping to sit closed in with a TV???? Weirdness abounds.
Heading to Moab today. I am going to upload pictures one day. Maybe. :)
on the iPod: Rollin Back, My Morning Jacket
Ride the First
The last time I was here was September. Also, it was the END of the season, and if there was any doubt whatsoever about whether or not I am more fit at the beginning or end of the season, let's just clear that up...I am more fit at the end. I did this ride off a place called Horse Gulch. One part was Telegraph Trail. Here's your history lesson for the day...Durango was a mining town and was in its heyday in the late 1800s. The Victorian influence is apparent in the old hotels still standing downtown, so it's neat to poke around and see a "Wild West" town. Anyway, as I'm sure you know, the talking wire was a big deal, huge technology in the day, and Telegraph Trail displays the relics of that time...there are several old telegraph towers out there. It's funny to be riding along, do ti do, and then all of a sudden, you're surrounded by these old telegraph poles. I was doing it slower than I remembered doing it in the past, but suddenly I didn't even care, because the trail was technicolor with the blooms of the spring flowers. I also rode a trail called The Meadow...and would you believe it goes through an actual meadow? Weird, I know. Now for those of you who don't mountain bike, you should know that rides tend to roll this way: "Let's see where this goes!" It's part of the fun, the adventure, and yes, occasionally it provides...a "learning opportunity" as opposed to calling it a mistake, because as Kurt Vonnegut wrote, "It is impossible to make a mistake." So to no one's surprise at all, I decided to see where Cuchilo went. Please don't ask me how you say that because still after 3 days, I still don't know. This trail was more challenging, with lots of "V" dips. If you're wondering what a "V" dip is, please refer to the capital letter V and you will have an idea of what I'm talking about. I've never been able to do them before, and I felt a tightness in my rear end that had nothing to do with Yoga when I saw the first one, but I DID IT!!!! Yes! Victory was mine!!! Mwah ha ha! I did it twice more and was feeling pretty much like a bad ass. And then, I came to a rock section. Now, I don't mean there was some gravel in the road. I mean there were boulders, people! I had to dismount, but felt better when I saw that a guy who had passed me also had to get off. There was some tricky descending as well, and then SURPRISE! there was a climb. Now for all my shortcomings as a mountain biker, I can climb (thanks Asheville!). Whoo boy, I got my ass dumped on the ground on this climb. Since mountain biking is different from fishing in that we don't lie about our burly rides like a fish that got away, please believe me when I tell you this climb went STRAIGHT up. Anyway, I fell to my right because I couldn't clip out fast enough (I always try to fall to the left if I'm going down because you want to fall away from your drivetrain), so I was pissed. My bike was just fine, but I have a bruise approximately the size of Texas on my hip. After I got back on Bette, there was a sweet ass descent back to the car. It makes me smile now thinking of it.
Ride the Second (otherwise known as Our Heroine Earns a Beer)
I decided to ride Lime Creek Trail, and instead of doing a shuttle (which would have involved hitchhiking. Before you get excited and need to lecture, please know that I would never consider it under other circumstances or in another place. It happens ALL the time out here, and I have picked up girl hitch hikers here myself.) I decided that I would do an out and back. Apparently something happened to my brain when I got dumped on Friday because I did not check the weather Saturday. I ALWAYS check the weather, and if I had, I would have known there was a chance of a thunderstorm. Please keep this fun fact in mind for later in our story. The ride is not necessarily hard, but it's rocky and it's 11.2 miles one way. About 6 miles of that is climb. So for those of you who agree with me that math is the devil, let me break that down for you: I was riding almost 23 miles, with 12 miles of climb. You know what else I forgot to mention to you? The elevation here starts at about 6500 feet. I climbed up to almost 10,000 that day. Each Way. When people say elevation doesn't matter, I am going to punch them right in the stomach from now on and ask them if that matters. The pay off here is the beauty surrounding the ride: a beautiful, lush creek, a beaver pond, a crazy beautiful rock pass, stands of Aspen. Breathtaking enough to make you forget it's hard to take a breath. Do ti Do, I'm pedaling, having a great time, and when I got to the end and got off Bette to enjoy my peanut butter sandwich that I did thankfully remember to bring, I saw some clouds scowling at me. I thought that was very unfriendly, and that's the exact moment I realized I forgot to check the damn weather and I realized my weather report was in action. I decided I would race the storm. Also, the trail map was wrong, it was NOT 11.2 miles, but closer to 11.5. You would count those three extra tenths, too, if you had been there. I started climbing and cloud watching. They didn't get any friendlier. I got to a bit of a descent, and before I knew it, I got into a hidden rut in the road and got my ass tossed off, nicking my right knee... poor right side! I got back on and started attacking the first climb because the wind was picking up and the temperature was dropping. I kept thinking that all in the world I wanted was to get back to the car safe and dry. I got to the second ascent to the summit and picked great lines and before I knew it I was at the top. I knew better than to feel cocky because the sky above me was nothing but impending doom. Descents still scare the shit out of me and I had MILES of descent ahead. I settled in, went as fast as safely possible, and I got back down to the Beaver Pond and felt the first drops. It was still almost 5 miles to the car. I said some very bad words, and saw the first whip of lightening. I immediately changed my mantra to "get to the car safe" as dry was no longer an option. The temperature dropped AGAIN and the stinging rain started. I did not think Awesome! when that happened. But once the big fat rain started, I was actually grateful because at least it didn't hurt like that stupid little rain. I was cranking about 20 miles an hour, which is pretty damn fast on a mountain bike, but it felt like I was going about 2 miles per hour. I finally arrived at the car, safe! My agenda for the rest of the day? Nap, beer, dinner. Durango has 4 or 5 microbreweries, but Steamworks is my hands down favorite and yes that's about the beer and food and not the cute bartenders...that's just a bonus, friends!
Yesterday I took a whole day off and went to Trimble Springs. They are natural hot springs and they are magnificent. I met some nice people there from Texas and had beers with them last night. I love this town!!!
Getting Away From It All, with cable included
I'm camping and I love this campground, but last night I got new next door neighbors. They set up their camper, rolled all of the shades down, and then I heard their tv start up. And it didn't shut off until after I went to bed last night. This morning, their tv started right up, and I kid you not friends...I still haven't seen these people! I am glad the campground has WiFi so I can bring you this blog, but seriously: who the hell goes camping to sit closed in with a TV???? Weirdness abounds.
Heading to Moab today. I am going to upload pictures one day. Maybe. :)
on the iPod: Rollin Back, My Morning Jacket
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